 |
| First Google result when you type ‘read’ that’s not a stock photo. The internet IS marvelous. |
Why Haven’t You Read This? Part 4-Can’t do this rhyming shit anymore
Moving on to cheap entertainment alternatives on the Internet that aren’t cat videos (and are in fact, more than competent works of fiction), here’s the 4th installment to cheap, awesome stuff you can find online for free!
But before
we move on, a quick nod to fellow scifi nerd and reviewer, Rusty Keele, who has
done me the huge favor of letting me do short science fiction story reviews on
his website, Bestsciencefictionstories.com. By the time you’re reading this,
Rusty, it will be the 1-year anniversary of our collaboration! I’d buy you
dinner, dude, but since we’re both at either ends of the planet, here’s a cool
robot that’s flying above the Earth!
 |
| There’s a lady riding on top of it, but you’re the pilot! |
With that
out of the way, here’s…
MORE AWESOME STUFF YOU CAN READ ON
THE WEBS!
Drabblecast’s Trifecta
XXV-Long Pig Special
 |
Because pork is too mainstream… |
There are
two things that always scared me, ever since I was a wee little tyke: the first
one, was dying alone inside a dark place, waiting for help that would never
come. The other was being eaten alive.
I’ve had
lots and lots of nightmares that led me to read extensively on the matter and I
have grown fond (though no less terrified) by it. This podcast is aimed
exclusively at promoting this personal horror of mine, because fuck you if I
have to carry this bundle of terror on my own two shoulders.
How to
Catch a Vampire By S. Kay Smith
 |
No love for you, sucker.
|
I have
mentioned, time and time again, how I have no particular fondness for vampire
fiction and its lore in general. I have also gone to great lengths to avoid any
and all examples of glorifying those fucking leeches and love to give them
hell.
To be honest, I wasn’t originally expecting How to Catch a Vampire to be this damn good. It’s new, it’s funny, it’s exciting, but above all, it’s the kind of vampire fiction that we need more of!
To be honest, I wasn’t originally expecting How to Catch a Vampire to be this damn good. It’s new, it’s funny, it’s exciting, but above all, it’s the kind of vampire fiction that we need more of!
http://darkfire.t15.org/fiction_Smith1012.html
The Mud
Girl by Michael John Grist
 |
| You have no idea how hard it is to find a ‘mud girl’ image that isn’t porn… |
The Mud
Girl is one of those depressing, well-crafted but sweet stories that you
sometimes stumble upon, during your treks through the Interwebs. Like a hot day
after a storm, it clings to your brain and doesn’t let go until you’ve gone
through all of it and then sat down to ponder. Then it leaves you alone, but
nests in your brain, making sure you don’t forget.
The Door
In Roanoke by Gretchen Tessmer
 |
| Well, that explains everything… |
I sometimes
find myself (foolishly) considering that I’ve grown the fantasy genre. Perhaps
because I sometimes try to convince myself that I am too high-brow for it.
Thankfully, every now and then, writers like Gretchen come along and slap me in
the face, going: “Read this”
And
thankfully, I listen to them.
Dear
Cthulhu-a column by Patrick Thomas
 |
| After all these years, I finally found somebody to talk to! |
Mister
Thomas,
I hope you
are reading this, perhaps after stumbling to my website while searching for
porn (according to the top 10 search tags that Google informs me people use to
stumble into my site).
If you are,
then please know that your column is absurdly funny and that I am tipping my
hat to you, sir. I am also witing for the advent of Portal technology with
baited breath, that we may have enough beers for our nerd-date to turn into a
barroom brawl.
Saying
Goodbye by Christopher Munroe
 |
| Nobody’s good with goodbyes, man… |
Dunesteef
podcast. The one podcast with pretty much the funniest intro sequence I have
heard since…well, forever. The guys over there know what they’re doing, this I
can guarantee and they’re having a ton of fun doing it.
It’s
strange, how I keep presenting them as outrageously funny and lighthearted,
when the story I am featuring is about a man desperately trying to contact his
wife posthumously.
http://dunesteef.com/2013/04/14/episode-142-bmse-saying-goodbye-by-christopher-munroe/
Rice Boy
By Evan Dahm
 |
Weirdness, the good kind. |
Remember
how impossibly lame movies try to sell these super-weird, near-nonsensical and
endearing ideas that haunt adults as children’s doodles? Like when you see a
kid in a movie being all quirky and having a sketchbook filled with the
Adventures of Doctor Moonface McGee and his trusty sidekick, the Last Dog of
Mars and you just KNOW that this was written in by some 25-year-old who’s too
much of a pussy to admit this has been his lifelong dream?
Well, Evan
Dahm isn’t a pussy, no sir! Artist’s got balls and he brings you unbridled,
uncontained weirdness, right here, right now!
Twilight
Monk by Trent Kaniuga
 |
| Why hasn’t this been picked up by every publisher already? |
Twilight
Monk…um…it’s uh…well the art style’s gorgeous but it’s also…it’s reminiscent of
manga aesthetic, but it also…well it doesn’t suck and…
Goddamn, I
can’t really find a way to express myself and explain how awesome Twilight Monk
is without giving everything away! Just…Just go read it!
No-One
Has To Die by StuStu The Bloo
 |
Let’s see how you like playing God, asshole! |
I don’t
normally like playing flash games. Oh sure, I do like the occasional fiddling
around every now and then, but I don’t really, actually invest time in them.
Mostly because most of them are mediocre toss games or shitty defenses.
But once in
a few hundred, I’ll stumble into something like this: No-One Has To Die is
interactive fiction at its finest. It’s a bare-bones puzzle game, with an
impossibly interesting plot, brought to you in the simplest graphic interface
this side of Ultima 0!
And you
know what the best part is? You can finish it in 2 hours, tops!
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/615863
The Entire Run of Omni Magazine-FOR FREE!
In the entire history of science fiction as a genre, few magazines have had as much of an impact or a powerful and unique enough presence as OMNI. Back when I was a kid, an uncle of mine would hoard the issues like each page was made out of pure gold leaf and he would cherish each one, never letting my stubby, clumsy little fingers all over them, unless I was under his constant supervision.
By the time I was old enough to comprehend English literature, OMNI had gone out of print and ceased its publication. I choked back my tears, kept my chin up and went 'Guess I'll have to live without it'.
And then i find out that the entire run has been uploaded online for free. After I was done shitting my pants with joy, I uploaded the link for your own enjoyment:
https://archive.org/search.php?query=collection%3Aomni-magazine&sort=-publicdate
The Entire Run of Omni Magazine-FOR FREE!
 The literary magazine equivalent of the goddamn Ark of the Covenant |
By the time I was old enough to comprehend English literature, OMNI had gone out of print and ceased its publication. I choked back my tears, kept my chin up and went 'Guess I'll have to live without it'.
And then i find out that the entire run has been uploaded online for free. After I was done shitting my pants with joy, I uploaded the link for your own enjoyment:
https://archive.org/search.php?query=collection%3Aomni-magazine&sort=-publicdate
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